Relationships 101, Part 2: Remembering Our Why

Has your relationship started to feel stale and unsatisfying? Do you find yourself thinking about other people and then getting mad at yourself for it? Are you wondering where the person you fell in love with went? Sarah ban Breathenach wrote, ”Discontent breeds lifelong change.” This is a powerful truth. When we learn to tune into our discontent in relationship, we can start to hear what it is that needs to change. Do we need more shared fun? Do we need some time and space to ourselves to grow and bring something finer to the coupledom? Do we need to learn to have more constructive conflicts? Do we need individual and shared inspiration? These things will take shape as we tune into our “why.” When relationships are challenging, we need to be reminded of what we are fighting for. I encourage the couples I work with to intentionally and regularly share what they appreciate about their partners with one another. Being ‘seen” by an intimate is a powerful experience. Likewise when we focus on the things we appreciate about our partner, we come back in touch with all of the reasons that person is special to us. We get back in tune with our “Why.” These positive appreciations don’t wash away the things that need to be worked out, but they do remind us that the struggle can bring positive change. There is a proverb that reads: “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained.” In a relationship that can often mean that we are headed off in different and even opposing directions. Working together to grow our collective “Why” over time brings us back together again and again and again. Let discontent lead you to a more mutually satisfying “Why” that you grow together as a couple. If you are ready to work on a healthier, more vital and fulfilling relationship, fill out the Send a Message form to the right. Let’s talk! ___________ Tiffany Sankofa, MS LCPC is a therapist in practice in Columbia, MD. If you’d like help growing your relationship, go to and contact Tiffany today. It’s time to take your life back!