I’ve been doing trauma work clinically for over 21 years. The arcs of personal trauma and community trauma are, not surprisingly, entirely parallel: There comes a time when we are strong enough, well-enough endowed at every level that we can boldly refuse our Perpetrator’s definition of us. We can create our lives on OUR terms […]
Anger v. Rage: How to Use Both Well
“Anger tells us something needs to change; Rage tells us something needs to heal.” ~ Tiffany Sankofa Afraid of Anger? Are you afraid of anger? I have to say, most people that walk into my counseling office are. You are not alone. However, you are probably also missing some really helpful information that can help […]
Forget about the virus! This are LIFEskills! The Stoplight Technique
Forget about the virus! This is LIFE! The Stoplight Technique Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no’s. They only love our yeses, our compliance. “I only like it when […]
Surviving in Captivity, Part 4: Emotional Loading and The Power of the 4 Answers
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” (Roy T. Bennett, The Light of the World) What if… What […]
Surviving in Captivity, Part 3: Expectations: The What and the How, and the XYZ Formula
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Anne LaMott) But I thought… You are holed up with your family following all of the COVID containment instructions and trying to make the best of it. For a while, things seem to be going ok. You’re finding a rhythm as a household, adjusting to a “new normal” and […]
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