I’ve been working with couples and families for almost 20 years as therapist. One thing that has become abundantly clear that is that when people are in conflict, what they need the other person to understand is incredibly important. How we communicate that truth can work directly against our goal of being understood. In my […]

American cultures bend toward shame. When something bad happens, many of us immediately try to determine if the person responsible for whatever it is a “good” person or a “bad” person. We assign blame as if having an imaginary frame to hold events in gives events meaning. The problem with this is that blame and […]

One of the things that first attracts us to others is a sense of shared vision. When we are first getting to know someone who intrigues us, we tend to get enamored with this idea that we have found a person who understands us – who sees life similarly to the way we do. We […]

If you’ve ever had a conflict you know how uncomfortable and difficult it can feel, physically. You might find yourself saying things you don’t mean or having a hard time thinking straight. You thought the conversation was going one place and then you find yourself yanked into something completely different, dazed and confused about how […]

At the beginning of most relationships we get very excited by how much we have in common. This person seems to see life the same way we do, or at least, compatibly. We see a future together! As time goes by and we’ve had a number of conflicts, compatibility can start to feel like a […]