“How do you get a ‘bikini body?’ You get a bikini. And put it on your body.”
The People in Our Heads
We all have “people in our heads.” Some like to call this self-talk, our inner children, the mean parents within; They are pieces of our own thinking that serve a purpose. If that purpose works well enough for long enough, we tend to hold onto them and believe that whatever they say is true.
Sometimes this is a good thing. Some of those voices are the ones who tell us we can keep going when the rest of our psyche is shrieking “NO, WE CAN’T!!!” Some of those voices are Identity Voices. These are the ones that affirm changes we have worked hard for. (See my fourth step on creating lasting change here.) They sometimes say things like, “I don’t eat that kind of food because I don’t like the way it messes up my performance,” or, “I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore. I’m a non-smoker.”
At times, however, they are much less constructive. The less helpful voices can feel so very true, because we developed them when we were kids. They’ve been with us a long time. However, we developed those voices when we had much less sophisticated neural circuitry, so they are usually dripping in shame. Their self-loathing messages worked well enough to pre-empt behaviors that would have gotten us in trouble, one way or another.
They masquerade as time-worn truths rather than the survival strategies they once were. These voices say things like, “Don’t get the big head!” or “Don’t trust your gut!” (You know how I feel about that one!) They can say things like, “Real men don’t cry,” or “You can only wear (fill in the blank) if you look like …this. Otherwise, you’re just atrocious.”
“Jenny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes…”
And that’s where we pick back up with our recent guest blogger, Jenny Lane. Let’s have Jenny explain it in her own words. Take it away, my sparkly friend!
The body you’re struggling to appreciate now is someone else’s dream body.
I recently encountered someone in a hotel hallway as I was making a particularly insecure trek to the ice machine in my swimsuit. To my shock and surprise, she told me I was stunning and asked where I got my suit. I talked about my boutique and Torrid. She expressed discomfort around her own recent weight gain.
Then it dawned on me: Here are two gorgeous females, both insecure to go get ice because someone, somewhere, implied that our bodies weren’t “good enough” exactly as they are. She was gawking at me like I had her dream body, when only two-minutes prior, I was shaming myself for my arm fat and “vacation bloat.”
Moral of the story? Wear the swimsuit. If not for you, do it for the other insecure women wondering if they’re “enough” on the way to the ice machine.
My challenge to you today is to notice those destructive, shaming, limiting voices in your mind. They typically start off with “You can’t…” or “Don’t you dare…” They are loaded with self-shame that’s typically there to help avoid the shaming judgment of others.
I am all for avoiding the shaming judgment of others! But let’s do it in a more effective, more internal locus of control kind of way. You know, the stuff we do have control over. Being shameless is a lot more effective, comfortable and just plain fun than getting smacked around by shame, whether inside our heads or out.
Try it out. See what happens!
If you’re having trouble with self-limiting beliefs, contact Tiffany today. Let’s co-create a map to your freedom.