Blog

Good Therapy IS Resistance

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Anxiety Managing Emotions Relationships

#Resistance #allmyrelations #community #ConnectionAndHealing #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: March 21, 2025

Good therapy promotes centeredness and a deep respect for truth. Good therapy helps us own ourselves and bring our gifts without concern for approval. We know our worth and celebrate the gifts of those around us. Good therapy makes us available to connect with others in community without compromising who we are, maximizing the gifts of all. Good therapy is #Resistance.

Have an Ironic MLK Day!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Anxiety

#MLKDay #SupportTheHumanFamily #TruthHeals #TruthTellingTroubleMakers #SustainableChange #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: January 17, 2025

This Monday is the day we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday. The irony of it also being a day when we inaugurate a President who stands against pretty much everything Dr. King stood for is just… I don’t even have a word for it. Remaining true to my preferred IndigenousThink ways, I will flood the space with what’s good and endeavor to make the rest irrelevant...

Happy Quitters Day!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care Managing Emotions

MakingSenseOutOfChange #DitchTheResolutions #Succeed #MSOOC #RealSustainableCHANGE

Posted: January 10, 2025

If you want to make a surface change that will ultimately leave you starting over again and again wondering what you did wrong, try to change a habit without healing the unhelpful stories that have been driving the behavior you don’t want. If you’re ready to get off of the hope-no hope-hope-no hope treadmill, read this!

You Are Not Sauce

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Anxiety Managing Emotions Relationships Trauma Recovery

#community #Resilience CommunityHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: December 18, 2024

If we are to move toward positive change in our communities and culture, we need you at full strength. Do not allow anyone or anything reduce you.

Lessons From an Autumn Walk

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Grief Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

#TreeTales #WinterRevealsUs #ConnectionAndHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: December 10, 2024

Hard autumn winds don't just blow away leaves; They can also blow away the things in our lives that no longer belong. Listen to find out what else trees can teach us about transformation and healing.

Tree Inspired Problem Solving (A Second Look)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery Anxiety

#community #connection #OrganicLiving #peace #Resilience #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: December 3, 2024

Many times when I start to feel wobbly about current or imagined future circumstances, I look to the trees. In addition to giving off an amazing energy, I’m struck with the reality that many of the trees I encounter have been standing here for centuries. We have changed and challenged their landscapes again and again, and yet, they are still here. As we move into literal Winter, and also a time in our life as a Nation that is likely to be quite challenging, I encourage you to carefully consider the trees...

Truly Thankful (But not for Thanksgiving)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Families Grief Trauma Recovery Self Care Relationships

#ThanksNoThanks #Thanksgiving #TruthHeals #allmyrelations #Resiliency #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 28, 2024

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” George Bernard Shaw... Today is the day when many people in the United States celebrate Thanksgiving. Like many of you, I will be sharing a collaborative meal and what should be some good connection time with some of my family. I am thankful for that. I’ve had quite a few not so stellar holidays in my life. I will tell you though, I do not honor this day as “Thanksgiving...”

Keep Calm, Andante On

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Grief Families Relationships Anxiety Trauma Recovery Self Care

CommunityHealing #peace #findingcenter #DogIsLove #connection #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 18, 2024

The term “Andante” is a musical tempo. An Andante is a moderately slow, gentle pace. If you listen to the beginning of Carl von Weber’s "Andante e Rondo" you can hear what I mean. Notice how it just keeps rolling on, with a lilt here and lilt there? That’s Andante. 14 years ago, a different kind of Andante came into my life in the form of floofy little rescued “accidental” Lhasapoo. Since my daughter and I are both musicians we wanted to give him a musical name. We decided on Andante, and called him Dante for short. He has always just kept rolling on with a little lilt step here and there. That’s our Dante...

Tune Up

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery Anxiety

#Resilience #identity CommunityHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 13, 2024

Not so long ago, we were all forced into a relationship that took precedence over many of our human relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. This relationship demanded the energy that belonged to other relationships, much like an affair. We all had a kind of forced affair with a pandemic. Just like we do in long term relationships with humans, we made compromises in order to do it well. We let go of things we like to do, the way we dress and spend our leisure time; The things that define and distinguish us. Now that we have broken up with the pandemic, (hopefully for good,) it’s time to reassess the things we’ve given up.

No Matter What (2024)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Anxiety Managing Emotions Self Care

#Resilience #Resiliency CommunityHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 4, 2024

Feeling stressed about the outcome of the 2024 election? What if you could be ok NO MATTER WHAT?

Givers, Takers, Transactionalists and Unspoken Rules

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Holidays Managing Emotions Parenting Self Care Trauma Recovery

#Takers CommunityHealing #Resilience #relationships #connection #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 1, 2024

Have you ever thought you had one kind of relationship with someone only to feel burned as you discover they had a totally different understanding of what you were to each other? Let's get up under some of those disconnects and offer a different way forward.

Story Time: Three Young Eagles

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Anxiety Grief Relationships

#discomfortheals #getuncomfortable #risktaking #flyinglessons #OrganicLiving #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD #StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #allmyrelations #community #connection #HealingThroughStory #ᏣᎳᎩstyle

Posted: October 22, 2024

Here’s our third story in the “Story Time” series, “Three Young Eagles.” Let’s see what some discomfort can do for us!

Guest Appearances by Grief

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Trauma Recovery Managing Emotions

#DisasterTrauma #HurricaneRelief #CommunityHealing #Avoiding PTSD #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: October 14, 2024

"When we lose everything; When our stability is literally washed away, there is no help that will seem like enough... Trauma and grief are most often entwined. As such, in the aftermath of disasters, most of us do some iterations of Jack Worden's "Four Tasks of Mourning..."

Story Time: The Anglerfish and the Squid

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Anxiety Self Care

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #allmyrelations #ᏣᎳᎩstyle #theᎥᎥ #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: October 8, 2024

Here’s the second story in the Story Time series, “The Anglerfish and the Squid.” I’ll meet you in the ocean!

Story Time: A Tale of Two Squirrels

By Tiffany Sankofa

#storytime #StoryAndIdentity #storiesaredialogues #theᎥᎥ #TellingOurStories #ᏣᎳᎩstyle #allmyrelations

Posted: October 1, 2024

Two squirrels and a blue jay help us consider different ways to look at life and community.

SPECIAL EDITION: Hurricanes, Trauma, Epigenetics & Healing

By Tiffany Sankofa

Trauma Recovery Managing Emotions Anxiety Grief

#DisasterTrauma #HurricaneRelief #CommunityHealing #Avoiding PTSD #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: September 29, 2024

It can be a tall order to stay informed about traumatic events like the recent hurricane, determine how we can be helpful, and not become traumatized in the process. Click here to find out more!

Story Time, Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #community #connection #HealingThroughStory #Resiliency #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: September 25, 2024

"The stories we tell literally make the world. If you want to change the world, you need to change your story. This truth applies both to individuals and institutions.” (Michael Margolis) In the recent “Tell Me a Story” blog series , I mentioned that storytelling...

Healing v. Cure

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

#relationships #connection #community #OrganicLiving #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: September 17, 2024

“We are cured when we no longer have disease. We are healed when we are restored to community.” (Dr. Lewis Mehl-Madrona ) Cured? Most religious faiths have some sort of tradition around asking their understanding of the Divine to heal people of this or that...

Dear S.E.R... (So Sorry)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Families Managing Emotions Parenting Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 12, 2024

Apologies carry the seeds of intimacy. Depending on how we handle them, we can either flourish or destroy that seed. Click here to find out more!

Tell Me a Story, Part 3

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Trauma Recovery Self Care Managing Emotions

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #StoriesWeTellOurselves #ThePowerofStory #HealingThroughStory CommunityHealing

Posted: September 4, 2024

Psychiatrist, Neurologist and Lakota-Cherokee descendent, Lewis Mehl-Madrona, defines “healing” (as opposed to “cure,”) as being reconciled to community and to self. Storytelling in both Lakota and Cherokee traditions does exactly that. Stories remind us of what is true, support that healthy story of who we are, and remind us that we belong to something greater than just ourselves...

Tell Me a Story, Part 2

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #SankofaCounselingMD #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #StoriesWeTellOurselves #ThePowerofStory

Posted: August 27, 2024

“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” (From Love in...

Tell Me a Story, Part 1

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#ThePowerofStory #TellingOurStories #StoriesWeTellOurselves #StoryAndIdentity #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: August 22, 2024

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” (Maya Angelou) The Power of Story When we as human beings listen to stories, the neurons in our brains light up in a complicated and unique way . We tend to do what...

Chocolate Chip Cookies & Resilience

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery Anxiety

#Resilience #Resiliency #BeautyFromAshes #Innovation #OrganicLiving #Chocolate

Posted: August 15, 2024

“To questions of life, chocolate gives an answer articulated in many chunks and flakes.” (Fabrizio Caramagna) Do you like chocolate chip cookies? Scotch tape? Do you like listening to music in your car? From the Ashes Toll House Cookies and their chocolate chips were invented...

Truth AND Consequences

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#Truth&Consequences #Living&Learning #ResultsBasedData #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: August 6, 2024

“We can ignore the consequences of gravity, but remember, the consequences of gravity will not ignore us.” (Anonymous) The Anti-Hangover There's a new product on the market I keep hearing about on the radio. I won’t name it here because I don’t have the bandwidth...

Trauma & Identity

By Tiffany Sankofa

Trauma Recovery Managing Emotions Grief Self Care

Posted: July 30, 2024

“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.” (Peter Levine) Trauma Steals Imagination ME: Do you feel like drawing today? KID: Ok. ME: What do you want to draw? KID: I dunno. What should I draw? ME:...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 3)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

#WhyTherapy #WhatIsTherapy #WhatIsntTherapy #HumanHealing #WhyTherapy #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: July 22, 2024

“The first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that.” (From a meme spotted on social media) From the Preamble of the American Counseling Association’s Code of Ethics: Professional values are an important way...

In Tribute to Dr. Bernice Johnson Reagon

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Uncategorized Grief

Posted: July 18, 2024

“I was here before I came and after I go, I will still be here.” (Dr. Bernice Johnson Reagon, October 4, 1942 - July 16, 2024. Activist, cultural historian, artist.) I was a young teenager the first time I heard Sweet Honey in the Rock...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 2)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

Posted: July 15, 2024

“If Freud saw my therapy practice? He’d need a therapist.” (Anonymous) A Well-Reasoned Decision To clarify, this is part two of a three-part series designed to help people candidly consider whether therapy might be useful for them at this time. If this is a decision...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 1)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

Posted: July 9, 2024

“Steve” By Tiffany Sankofa pieces of my soul scattered weekly on your couch; You hand them back to me, one at a time, helping me decide what stays, where it goes, what i release, and what never belonged to begin with. This Isn’t For You...

An Honest 4th of July

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 2, 2024

An Honest 4th of July “The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them.” (Ida B. Wells-Barnett) Many of you know that I don't celebrate Independence Day. It’s not because I am not patriotic, or because I don't believe in...

Reimagining Discontent

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 19, 2024

“Discontent breeds lifelong change.” (Sarah Ban Breathnach) Not So Much Midlife, Not So Much Crisis “I think I’m having a Midlife Crisis!” I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard clients speak those words since I first started in clinical practice in...

Finding Henry

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 13, 2024

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." (Albert Pine) The Power of a Name I talk and write about “Life Mission” a lot. Enough to annoy people. I’m not going to apologize....

Bodyism Part Three

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 4, 2024

Unboxing Bodyism, Part Three “God help you if you are a phoenix And you dare to rise up from the ash A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy While you are just flying past, “So squint your eyes and look a bit closer I'm not...

How to Care Less

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 4, 2024

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it was within. It is there all the time.” (Anna Freud) Judgment Have you ever made a decision that wasn’t in your best interests, out of fear of being judged by others? Most of...

Balancing Worlds

By Tiffany Sankofa

Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 4, 2024

“What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?” (George Eliot) Customer NonSupport I’ve had countless conversations about how “customer support” has dramatically deteriorated in the last four years. It’s maddening. While it was not uncommon to find ourselves...

Unboxing Bodyism, Part Two

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: April 11, 2024

“ I'll never try to give my life meaning By demeaning you But let me just say for the record I did everything that I could do I'm not saying that I am a saint I just don't want to live that way I will...

Unboxing Bodyism, Part One

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: April 3, 2024

“God help you if you are a big girl, But too skinny is also your doom, Cuz everyone harbors a secret hatred, For the skinniest girl in the room; “So squint your eyes and look a bit closer I'm not between you and your ambition,...

‘Splain ‘Splaining

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 26, 2024

“In a world obsessed with status, let our compassion and empathy define us.” ( Henry Johnson Jr.) All the Splains Mansplaining . Whitesplaining . Straightsplaining . Thinsplaining . ‘Splaining ‘splaining ‘splaining. Our culture appears to be obsessed with positional jousting. We are drowning in hierarchical...

Goal Achievement and the Power of Now

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 20, 2024

“Forever is composed of ‘nows.’” (Emily Dickinson) As mentioned previously, I am working on a course designed to help people achieve their goals based on how human beings actually think and act, in contrast to how we seem to think we act. We seem to...

Hidden Spring

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: March 14, 2024

“The land is the real teacher. All we need as students is mindfulness.” (Robin Wall Kimmerer) Spring Above Here in Maryland, we are a little strange when it comes to Spring. We are very excited when it warms up and then curse the universe when...

Contempt, Connection, Curiosity and Clarity

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

#community #connection #relationships #TheXYZ

Posted: March 4, 2024

“Even the invisible leave footprints.” (Wayne Gerard Trotman) Using Discontent Well Dr.’s John Gottman and Judy Schwartz Gottman, (co-founders of the Gottman Institute,) can predict whether couples will divorce with 94% accuracy. The number one factor that determines this outcome? Contempt. I’ve found over the...

Hunting Fear

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: February 21, 2024

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” (C. JoyBell C.) A Message from “the Gods” In my reading the other day, I stumbled onto a short piece about the...

Hope from Knowledge

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: February 13, 2024

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” ( Anne Lamott) A Room with a Desk When I...

Beading and Un-Beading Relationships

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 8, 2024

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” (Henry Winkler) Simple, But Not Easy As mentioned in this space previously, I’ve been doing some beading lately. I love how easy it is to make something beautiful with beads. The patterns look so complicated. It’s an illusion. Beading...

Lessons from a Moonshiner

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 29, 2024

“She’s ketchable, but not fetchable.” (The last law enforcement officer to try to arrest moonshiner Mahala Mullins) Talking to Dead People After my mother passed away in 2014 and I started learning more about our hidden family origins, I became a lot more comfortable talking...

Trading Snow Globes

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 23, 2024

“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” (Nat Turner) Zillennial Gifts I completed the educational part of my counselor training in 1999. The landscape of mental health looked notably different at that time. My daughter’s micro-generation, the “Zillennials” , had just been born....

Balancing Acts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 16, 2024

“If you never go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.” (Sarah Parish) New Year, New Word While I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, ( see why here ,) I do pick a word for each year. This word is...

Lessons From a Flag

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 11, 2024

Humans are pattern-seeking story-telling animals, and we are quite adept at telling stories about patterns, whether they exist or not.” (Michael Shermer) Weird Maryland As a child growing up in Maryland, I remember thinking that the Maryland state flag was really weird looking. It seemed...

Beating the Blerg

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 2, 2024

“You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.” (Navajo Proverb) I’ve been hearing and reading an awful lot of people lately expressing surprise over how messed up things seem to be right now. Costs are going up, customer service has become a...

Why Settle for New Year’s Resolutions?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2023

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars and change the world.” (Harriet Tubman) We Can Do Better I’m grateful that a lot of people have abandoned the...

Holidays, Light and Dark

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 19, 2023

“Santa had the right idea: Visit people once a year.” (Victor Borge) Holiday Lights December is a month filled with holidays of all kinds. Some are religiously oriented, some culturally oriented, and some exist just because we want some fun! I’ve noticed that a whole...

Healing Relationships Step Seven: Repair

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 13, 2023

“ We must use money to heal where people are hurting and to stop more hurt from happening.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA )...

Healing, Step Six: Invest

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 7, 2023

“We need to put all our money where our values are.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) How Much Can You Invest? Bearing in...

Healing Step Five - Represent

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 4, 2023

“We must build whole new decision-making tables, rather than setting token places at the colonial tables as an afterthought.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA...

Healing, Step Four: Relate

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 22, 2023

“We need space to share our whole selves with each other and understand we don’t have to agree in order to respect each other.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021,...

Healing, Step Three - Listen

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 16, 2023

“We must acknowledge the wisdom of those excluded from and exploited by the system, who possess exactly the perspective and wisdom needed to fix it.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, 2nd edition, ©...

Healing, Step Two: Apologize

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 7, 2023

“We must apologize for the hurts we’ve caused.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) Today we look at step two of Edgar Villanueva’s “Seven...

Healing, Step One: Grieve

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 31, 2023

“We have to stop and feel the hurts we’ve endured.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) As promised, this blog is the first installment...

The 7 Steps to Healing

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 25, 2023

“Mutual respect is the foundation of genuine harmony.” (the 14th Dalai Lama) I Went to a Conference and a Book Broke Out So there I was, watching the replay of a trauma summit segment, and this guy, Edgar Villanueva, started saying all of these things...

Transformative Fear

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: October 17, 2023

“The only thing you have to fear is an elephant in your kitchen.” (Riley Eaton… my 8th grade Civics teacher) Just In Case… Fear protects us, but by nature, it overestimates threat. As such, fear cannot help but to create collateral damage. Fear is an...

The Power of Play

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 3, 2023

“Play is the mediator of the visible and the invisible.” (Dora M. Kalff, Jungian Psychologist) Finding Fun Those of you who listen to my blogs on SoundCloud know that I end each recorded blog by saying, “Take care of yourself, care well for others, and...

Sacredness and Justice

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 26, 2023

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else.” (Tiffany Sankofa) Recap In last week’s blog I mentioned that we humanfolk tend to get caught up in striving for importance . I stated that we are all sacred regardless of our performance....

Are You Important?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 19, 2023

“There are no un-sacred places; There are no un-sacred people. There’s only **sacredness And our inability to understand it.” (Anonymous) ** Not Religious (Please let me start by clarifying that I’m not talking about religion. When I write about “sacredness,” I’m referring to the intrinsic...

Giving & Overgiving (Thanks, Uncle Shelby)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 11, 2023

“ Without lines, spaces have no definition.” (Anonymous) The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein arrived on the earth two years before I did. It was a popular book to read to young people as I was growing up. My memory of those readings is dusty...

Sandy Thoughts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 5, 2023

"In every curving beach, in every grain of sand, there is a story of the Earth." (Rachel Carson) Stubborn Stuff Ever notice how sand finds ways to carry itself home from the beach with you? You might find yourself puzzling over sand in your dryer...

AIDing and Abetting: Self value

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: August 28, 2023

“Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” (Robert Heinlein) You’re Not Listening! One of the more common wounds we human folk tend to carry into adulthood wraps around not feeling valued or heard. It can leave...

An Open Letter to the Not Good Enough Child

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: August 14, 2023

One of the most common repeated themes I’ve come across in a quarter century as a therapist is the childhood-instilled belief that we are Not Good Enough. In the limited scope of a child’s experience, the child assumes that the “big nostril people” know more...

Going the Distance

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 24, 2023

“I will be here, you can cry on my shoulder, When the mirror tells us we’re older, I will hold you.” (Steven Curtis Chapman) Aaawwwwww I’ve always had a thing for those older couples you see walking down the way together, hand in hand. It’s...

Paradoxical Patriotism

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 6, 2023

"We had hoped that the white men would not be willing to travel beyond the mountains. Now that hope is gone. They have passed the mountains and have settled upon Tsalagi (Cherokee) land. They wish to have that usurpation sanctioned by treaty. When that is...

The Improbable Rose

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: June 21, 2023

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.’” (Mary Ann Radamacher) Rough Terrain My husband and I are both self-employed. While there is a lot of wonderfulness that goes along with...

What About the Rest of Us?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 20, 2023

“Since we live in the heads of those who remember us, we lose control of our lives and become who they want us to be.” ― David M. Eagleman Record Scratch I got tired of beating my head against the Canva program to produce my...

Daydreams, Hope, Change and Success

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 5, 2023

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” (Anne Lamott) The Dark I have always been a daydreamer....

Goals, and the Assumptions that Unravel Them

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: May 30, 2023

“Don’t fear mistakes.There are none.” (Miles Davis) What We Tell Ourselves Does this sound familiar? “I really want to ____>fill in the blank with the change point of your choice.< I’m sick and tired of _____ >the opposite behavior and choice< This time I’m really...

Come Together: 3 Brains, 1 Body

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: May 19, 2023

“If you can't understand what your intuition is conveying to you, the key is to pay attention and listen to your body. It tells you everything that you need to know.” (Robin S. Baker) Respecting Emotional Data I frequently focus on self-regulation in my practice....

The Feral Alliance, Adrenaline, Dopamine… and Success!!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: May 15, 2023

It is the best of times; It is the worst of times. (What Charles Dickens might have written if he had been alive in 2023.) Watch Out, Fingers Many of life's gifts come wrapped in barbed wire. I wrote about the barbed wire-wrapped gift of...

As Generation X Undrowns

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Parenting Self Care

Posted: May 3, 2023

“Each generation must discover its mission, fulfill or betray it, in relative opacity.” (Frantz Fanon) Coming of Age My clients and those who follow me digitally range in generational identity from The Silent Generation down to Generation Alpha. Personally, I am an early Gen X....

Yes, You DO Measure Up!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 21, 2023

"I don't measure myself by others' expectations or let others define my worth." (Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor) Numbers Numbers Numbers The temperature numbers are going up and clothes are getting thinner. This time of year puts a whole lot of people face to face...

Curveballs

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: April 13, 2023

"You cain't always git whachu want, You cain't always git whachu want, But if you try sometime, you might find Ya git what you neeeeeeed." (Mick Jagger & Keith Richards -- see link HERE) Batter Up It's baseball season. Watch out for curveballs! Ok, ok,...

Our National Narcissism

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 6, 2023

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Genuine empowerment is threatened by nothing. Narcissism, Toddlers and Adolescents In last week’s blog , I wrote about narcissism as a developmental arrest in the ego-development stage of life. But what if an entire culture functioned like a Narcissist? What if...

Narcissism: Peeking Behind the Curtain

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Relationships 101 Self Care

Posted: March 1, 2023

“A fragile ego is too consumed with survival to celebrate others.” Read With Caution I noticed the other day that I don’t often talk about narcissism in this space. It comes up often in counseling, but unlike most frequent flyers, I don’t usually blog about...

Black History

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: February 14, 2023

None of us are free None of us are free None of us are free; when one of us is chained, None of us are free. (Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil, Brenda Russell) NOTE: When a Person of Privilege celebrates the accomplishments of People of Color...

Love and Lurve: My Funky Valentine

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 31, 2023

Is It Love? Or Luuuuuuuurrrrrvvveee? Please take a moment and consider these actual song lyrics. (If you aren’t familiar and want to hear the songs, there is a hyperlink for each, which also includes song credits.) “You are everything/ and everything is you….” “Can’t live/...

Resentment is an Unexpressed No

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: January 20, 2023

“‘No’ is a complete sentence.” (Anne Lamott) A Good Thing, and a Differently Good Thing I was in my office doing some contemplative writing the other day when my husband slipped in to give me a nice hug and a gentle kiss. He lingered there...

Fear, Part Two: The Isms

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: January 17, 2023

“Everyone is a good example of… something.” (Dr. Robert O. Burdette) Fear Makes Us Fragile Last week we looked at the challenge of fear with in-the-moment decisions. When we carry fear and fearful thoughts about the world around us over time, it can be a...

Fear, Part One: It’s Not the Chicken!!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: January 17, 2023

Our problem is not fear. Our problem is that we misuse fear. Haunted Mansion In the movie, Haunted Mansion, the children of one of the main characters appear with a pair of ghosts who have told the story of the Mansion and why they, (the...

Sustainability and Specialness

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 5, 2023

When asked how much money enough, early billionaire John D. Rockefeller is said to have replied, “Just a little bit more.” Out of Balance At the end of 2022, I did a series of blogs called Against the Grain . In it, I stated that...

Music Therapy, For A Change! (An Interview with Jazmyne Craig, LPMT, MT-BC)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2022

Last week I gave you an exercise using music to help you make better informed choices about your intentions for the coming year. This week, Music Therapist, Jazmyne Craig, LPMT, MT-BC, will tell us more about how all of that works, and how Music Therapy...

Musical Identity: A New Year's Challenge

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2022

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else.” (Tiffany Sankofa) It’s Social Media’s Fault I was trying to wake up this morning and started scrolling social media. Someone close to my age had a 1980’s “mixtape” challenge, ( youngheads click here...

Against the Grain Part 4: Disordered Gut Brains

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 12, 2022

“Expectations are …” (Yah, you know the drill by now. Thanks, Anne LaMott!) The Grains, the Fruits, the Critters… In the previous blogs in this series, we covered the way our culture has us going against the grain with seasons, with time, and with sleep....

Against the Grain, Part 3: Sleep Deprivation

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 6, 2022

“Expectations are (YUP… STILL) resentments waiting to happen.” (Yup… still Anne Lamott) Time Doesn’t Fit in Bottles In last week’s blog Against the Grain Part 2 , we covered how going against the grain of our seasons can foster Seasonal Affective Disorder. This week let’s...

Against the Grain Part 2: Seasonal Affective Disorder

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2022

“Expectations are (still) resentments waiting to happen.” (Still Anne Lamott ) Remember Myrtle? Remember our friend the crepe myrtle from last week’s blog ? She has some important seasonal wisdom for us. If we go into Autumn expecting to have the same energy and outlook...

Against the Grain Part 1: Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2022

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Anne Lamott) Follow the Trees Imagine for a moment that you have never seen a crepe myrtle. (See this link if you really haven’t, or if you’re unsure.) Someone tells you that crepe myrtles are these beautiful, graceful, low...

The Grinch That Didn’t Steal Thanksgiving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships 101 Self Care

Posted: November 22, 2022

The Grinch That Didn’t Steal Thanksgiving “We are all one child spinning through Mother Sky.” (Shawnee Saying) Full Disclosure: I Am the Thanksgiving Grinch I offer you 8 points of evidence: I hate turkey. (The bird – I have nothing against the country that sits...

Empaths as Truth Telling Trouble Makers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 16, 2022

“Don’t try to comprehend with your minds; Minds are very limited. Use your intuition.” (Madeleine L’Engle in A Wind at the Door ) “Identified Client” In therapy, the “Identified Client” is most often the person in a family system that was dragged or pushed into...

Thermometers and Fevers: Reconsidering “Mental Illness”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 9, 2022

“We’re all ‘crazy.’ ‘Sane’ just means you figured out how to make your particular crazy work for you and not against you, at least most of the time.” (Robert Davenport, one of my grad school mentors) All Things in a Circle As mentioned in this...

The Transformational Power of Life Mission

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 2, 2022

“If we aim at nothing, we are sure to hit it.” No More Therapists I got some interesting feedback when I ended a blog the other week with the idea that increased community empathy would likely lead to a greatly reduced need for therapists, and...

Ice Cream, Survival and Beyond

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 24, 2022

“Life is like an ice cream cone; You hafta lick it one day at a time.” (Charles Schultz as Charlie Brown) The Story in Our Heads I was having a conversation the other day with someone who is hard-struggling financially. We were talking about creative...

Community Empathy, &@>#, It!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: October 20, 2022

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” (James Keller) Two weeks ago, I wrote about Individual Empathy and how to use it well without burning out. Last week I covered Collective Empathy . This week, let’s broaden that circle one more time and consider...

Gifts from the Ancestors: Collective Empathy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: October 14, 2022

“All Creation is one. What we do to one, we do to the entire web of Life.” (Chief Seattle, of the Suquamish and Duwamish) Collective Empathy Last week I wrote about empathy on the individual level . This week we will look at the collective...

I Feel You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 5, 2022

“Never turn a single drowning into a double drowning.” (First Rule of Lifeguarding) Mirroring As infants, we lack the neural circuitry to regulate emotions for ourselves. We rely on the adults who care for us to scoop us up when we are in distress so...

Congratulations! You Haven't Arrived!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 29, 2022

“Life is a journey/ Not a destination/ There are no mistakes/ Just chances we've taken/ Lay down your regrets/ ‘cause all we have is now.” (India.Arie) Great Ideas Many of my fellow ADHD tribe members know what it’s like to be driving, or in a...

Grandpa’s Butt Print

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: September 21, 2022

“Humans are pattern-seeking story-telling animals, and we are quite adept at telling stories about patterns, whether they exist or not.” (Michael Shermer) Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet? It’s very common in therapy for people to become frustrated with...

The Head Bone’s Connected to the …Gut Bone?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 14, 2022

“There’s a voice that doesn’t use words.” (Anonymous) Cranial Hierarchy Traditionally, we have a strong bias against emotional and intuitive logic in the US. “Don’t trust your feelings,” is a phrase that I’ve heard more times than I can count. Many like to believe that...

Seeing What We See

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: September 8, 2022

“Trust yourself; You know more than you think you do.” (Anonymous) Seeing and Not Seeing As I mentioned in my last blog, ( “Why We Vacate” ) I recently spent some time at a very special cabin in the woods, ( Moonridge Cabin .) One...

Why We Vacate

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 1, 2022

“Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow) As I mentioned in the People Are Not Mushrooms blog, we human folk rely on patterns to stay alive. As I also...

The World Underneath

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: August 18, 2022

“We co-create our reality with others in unseen ways.” (Doug Dillon) Mountainous Perspective I’m a fan of mountains. I don’t love them quite as much as I love the ocean, but they do take my breath away. I’m told that I have not even seen...

Goodbye/Hello

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: August 11, 2022

“I don’t know why you say goodbye/ I say hello.” (Paul McCartney) Each Goodbye is Hello When we graduate from a school it’s called a “commencement.” By definition a “commencement” is a beginning. I don’t know about you, but when I go to a “commencement”...

Miracle On Ice: Whose Rules Rule You?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: July 27, 2022

“How do you get a ‘bikini body?’ You get a bikini. And put it on your body.” The People in Our Heads We all have “people in our heads.” Some like to call this self-talk, our inner children, the mean parents within; They are pieces...

Oh, for the Love of Quordle!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: July 18, 2022

Quordlers I am one of those people that plays Wordle and Quordle every day. (Fortunately for my social media friends, I’m not one of those people who posts their score every day. To each, their own.) I use the games to jumpstart my brain. Today,...

When Productive Looks Like “Lazy” (By Guest Blogger, Jenny Lane)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: July 13, 2022

“Grace” is that thing that happens when we don’t expect ourselves or others to be anything but our stumbling, bumbling human selves, all full of mess and magic, doing the best we can as we learn forward. Lazy? Sometimes I'm only motivated enough to admit...

Listening First

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery

Posted: July 6, 2022

“Listen to the wind; It talks. Listen to the silence; It speaks. Listen to your heart; It knows.” (Native American Proverb) “Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf.” (Anonymous) Letting Go of Linus’ Blanket As more and more painful and difficult things happen in...

Growing Up the USA: From Reactive to Responsive

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 29, 2022

Being reactive and screaming might feel cathartic in the moment, but sustainable change is born out of centered responsiveness. Inde-WHAT-ence Day? It’s interesting to me that we are about to celebrate another “Independence Day,” right on the heels of a Supreme Court decision that goes...

Are We Done With Middle School Yet?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 22, 2022

“Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.” (Carol Burnett) Woohoo Middle School. Friend, what was your middle school, (or if you’re old like me, “Jr. High School”) experience like? Have you ever asked someone that and had them say, “Oh it was great! I loved...

A Father’s Prophecy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 14, 2022

“Love involves a peculiar, unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.” (Diane Arbus) This Is Us Let me start by saying that I am one of those people; The ones who cried every week at the TV show, This Is Us , and are feeling ridiculous...

The Power of Loving (…and the Lovings that made it happen)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 9, 2022

On June 11, 1967, I was seven and a half months old. On June 11, 1967, my husband, Amari, was six and a half years old. On June 11, 1967, “interracial marriage” was illegal in the Commonwealth of Virginia and 20 other states. If Amari...

Practicing Wild Kindness (in the midst of turmoil)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 1, 2022

I have a cousin who is a school-based Social Worker and Peaceful Parenting Coach, (>shameless plug< ** Confluence Parenting, LLC.) He’s married to a dedicated, creative, tenacious public school Math teacher. They are also parents to two totally awesome young boys. As hard as the...

Expectation v. Hope

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: May 25, 2022

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” (Karen Casey) Expectations It’s often said, in various forms, that “expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” A lot of people I’ve shared that with, hate it. When I probe deeper it almost inevitably turns out that the naysayer has...

The Santa Cages

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 19, 2022

“Would it surprise you to hear that a man’s unhappiness is due in large measure to the way he is seeking after happiness?” (from The Seven Paths pub. by the Anasazi Foundation) I recently read, (ok, listened to,) the Kent Nerburn book, Neither Wolf, Nor...

Want or Need

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: May 12, 2022

“Take what you need. Give what you have. Live in harmony; Not competition.” (A saying found among many different Native American peoples.) Pearls of …well, something. If you have any age on you to speak of, you likely hear one or more of your parents’...

Lessons From My Mother: Sitting at the weird kids’ table

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 5, 2022

“Mothers are the Mt. Everest of Relationships.” (Tiffany Sankofa) Not That Kind of Blog So, before you go assuming that I had some wonderful relationship with my mother, we were best friends, blah blah blah… Please know this isn’t that kind of post. Neither is...

Who's Driving Your Bus?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 27, 2022

Who’s Driving Your Bus? “ Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that leads others to join you.” (Ruth Bader Ginsberg) Déjà Vu All Over Again Why do we deteriorate in conflict with people that really matter to us?...

Thank you, IRS: Lessons in freedom and flexibility

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: April 20, 2022

Have you ever noticed that large, rigid trees get uprooted or snapped during hurricanes? It’s the palm trees that survive: They can flex their heads all the way to the dirt and snap back up every time. It’s the water inside of them that makes...

Temperature Check

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: April 12, 2022

“If you're in the middle of the ocean with no flippers and no life preserver and you hear a helicopter, this is music. You have to adjust to your needs at the moment.” (Tom Waits) Weird I went into the vet’s office the other day....

Night Vision

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 6, 2022

“Listening is a lost art that can be gracefully recovered in silence and solitude.” (Robert J. Wicks) Balance I usually pick a word to focus on each year. My word for 2022 is “balance.” I used to think of opposites as being at odds with...

Ain’t No Peaches on That Tree

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 30, 2022

As you might have guessed from the title, I’m going to give you another “About Last Thursday Tale” this week. (See last week’s blog for an explanation.) I want to mention that when I write these stories, I have to write them in the voicing...

Heart Trouble

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 25, 2022

“Give me knowledge that I might have compassion for all.” (Anonymous) An Un-Blog After spending several days going around in circles in my head over what to write this week, I’m going to take a different approach. As some of you know, I serve as...

Smile, Dog Loves You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 16, 2022

** For those of you who are not “Dog People,” I promise… this blog is only secondarily about dogs. These are my “buddhas.” You have your own. My Life in Dogs I have shared my life with dogs for about 50 of my 55 years...

3 Steps to (Inner) World Domination

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 8, 2022

“…You can’t save time. You can only spend it. But you can spend it wisely or foolishly.” (from the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff) That Russian Guy… and Us Ok, show of hands? How many people are contending with more anxiety now than they...

The Courage of a Sunflower

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 2, 2022

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” (Margaret Wheatley) Ukraine This isn’t about politics; This is about people. In October of 1949, Wasyl and Marie Pawluczkowycz gathered up their first three children and left their homeland, Ukraine....

Skunk Lessons

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 25, 2022

Skunk… tell me the story, So I will know it well. Of how to attract And how to repel. (Jamie Sams) R-E-S-P-E-C-T Thank you, Aretha! And thank you, skunk. Jamie Sams, author of the above poem, is the co-author of a series of animal cards...

Turning the Cube, Finding Compassion

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 16, 2022

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, the human race cannot survive." (The Dalai Lama) My husband, Amari, likes to do this thing he calls, “Turning the cube.” Whether it’s a news story, something he just read in his ravenous study of history...

Lasting Change Step 4: Identity

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions

Posted: February 9, 2022

“An identity would seem to be arrived at by the way in which the person faces and uses his experience.” (James Baldwin) Recap In Step One , you tuned into your gut brain and realistically assessed where you were in the Cycle of Readiness for...

Lasting Change, Step 3: The Power of Patterns

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: February 2, 2022

“Changes begets change as much as repetition begets repetition.” (Bill Drayton) Mini Review Ok! Look at you! You listened to all three brains and started to understand all the ways you feel about the change you want to make in Step One . Then you...

Lasting Change, Step Two: Make It Easy!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 27, 2022

Hard changes are made up of a gazillion small, easy decisions. As mentioned in the introduction to this blog series, we need different strategies for different parts of our movements toward lasting change. In step one , I noted that we need to listen to...

Lasting Change, Step One: Why “But I really want it!” is not enough.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 18, 2022

“Your body is like the quiet talker with the most important thing to say.” (Anonymous) As I mentioned in last week’s blog, making up the mind in between our ears just isn’t enough “juice” to get us to real and lasting change. I also mentioned...

4 Steps to Lasting Change: Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 12, 2022

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” (Socrates) But how?? Say you want to make a big change in your life. You want to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, step...

Now. Here. This. (What spilled water taught me about balance)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: January 4, 2022

If a flamingo can achieve balance standing there on one leg for hours, maybe I can too. Balance I was doing my morning meditation just now. I reached over to the wall to grab my dry erase board. I didn’t want to forget my focus...

Most People are “Expecting” this Holiday Season!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions

Posted: December 8, 2021

Most People are “Expecting” this Holiday Season! “Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” (Brandon Sanderson) While some of you are expecting babies… that isn’t what I’m talking about today. The rest of us are...

Undercover Panic Attacks...

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships

Posted: December 2, 2021

What people think in their hearts gets out, no matter how hard they try to hide it. (Munshi Premchand) Undercover Panic Attacks Have you ever watched reasonable enough, generally sane people turn into utter control freaks in a crisis? How about this one: You are...

Telling Those Ugly Holiday Twins Apart

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Holidays Managing Emotions

#holidayGrief #GoodGrief Good Grief GriefVDepression

Posted: November 25, 2021

"Holidays have this way of pushing us to do an inventory on whether our lives and relationships are what we want them to be or others are telling us they 'should' be, especially when people or dreams have died, when relationships reveal themselves as unhealthy, when people disappoint us or leave us or blow up our goals and dreams, when we feel like we are not measuring up to what and who we 'should' be? We are going to feel some very un-holiday-like feelings. "In other words, the field is ripe for both depression and grief. "Depression and grief are these obnoxious doppelgänger emotions. They can look so much alike on the surface, but they have opposite needs. It’s sort of like 'Starve a fever, feed a cold.' But fevers are obvious. Depression and grief? Not so much..."

Don’t Cry Over Spilled

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: November 14, 2021

The only thing you have control over at times is perspective. ~ Chris Pine What the heck is that?!?!?! That is an AFGO for Tiffany. That’s my car. And what I believe is ceiling paint. Yay me. Lemme explain. Cars and Life My current car...

Why Bunnies Don't Get PTSI

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 3, 2021

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.” Helen Keller How We Traumatize We humanfolk think we are SO smart! And yet, that very thinking gets in our way and makes things worse all the time! When people go...

What Therapy Isn’t

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 20, 2021

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.” (David Richo) Therapy As Weapon My name has apparently become a threat. As in, “Does Tiffany Sankofa know you act like this??” “Keep it up! I’m going to tell Tiffany...

Mental Health Minute #13- Happy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: September 20, 2021

It's time for this week's Mental Health Minute: Here's some happy. (You can find more Mental Health Minutes here: https://tiffanysankofa.com/cat.../vlog/mental-health-minute/ ) #growth #personalempowerment #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD https://youtu.be/HlUt0QEvEOk

Mental Health Minute #12- Unlearning

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: September 13, 2021

It's time for this week's Mental Health Minute: My mother was good for more than just funky 60s 70s music… (You can find more Mental Health Minutes here: https://tiffanysankofa.com/cat.../vlog/mental-health-minute/ ) #growth #personalempowerment #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD https://youtu.be/DdoNyBRut10

THOSE People, Case 2: Non-Binary v. Binary Gender Assumptions

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 10, 2021

THOSE People, Case 2: Non-Binary v. Binary Gender Assumptions Joseph and Ren Meet today’s diametrically opposed duad: Ren and Joseph. Like last week, our brave participants were taught the principles and format of healthy conflict conversations as demonstrated for us by George and Rana. (See...

Mental Health Minute #11- Empathy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: September 6, 2021

It's time for this week's Mental Health Minute: Do you have empathy? Learn more here: https://youtu.be/E-Y6UpoonyM You can find more Mental Health Minutes here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLrY0cDEeXW0XaOUgiVnN6w #growth #personalempowerment #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD

THOSE People Case 1: Vax v. Antivax

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 3, 2021

Ok friends, as a reminder, the 4 key elements we need in our difficult conversations, (as mentioned in the last blog,) are: Self regulation A commitment to a common goal, (and with it, a shift toward “ me and you against the problem ”) Grace...

Mental Health Minute #10- Trust

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: August 30, 2021

It's time for this week's Mental Health Minute: Do ya trust me? [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of3IcQXxmTk[/embed] #growth #personalempowerment #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD

Mental Health Minute #9- Conflicts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: August 23, 2021

Understanding the conflicts in your life and their purpose. The gifts that conflict brings. View more Mental Health Minutes: https://tiffanysankofa.com/cat.../vlog/mental-health-minute/ #growth #personalempowerment #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD [embed]https://youtu.be/5vDZCVtJY3c[/embed]

Mental Health Minute #8 - Anger

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: August 23, 2021

Busting the myth of anger as a “negative” emotion! #emotions #anger #MentalHealthMinute #SankofaCounselingMD [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEfkgQl_9Bo&feature=youtu.be[/embed]

Stereotype-Breaking Tools: May the 4 Be With You, Rana and George

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: August 19, 2021

“Sometimes a problem isn’t really a problem, but the solution in disguise.” (Richelle E. Goodrich) Well that went south fast… I found our heroes, George and Rana, back in the fitting room of relationships, yelling at each other, hurling accusations and “Well YOU’s” like light...

Mental Health Minute #7- Gap

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPpBrC-A-PY Mind your Gap! Are you who you think you are? Here's one way to find out.

Mental Health Minute #6 - Pick a Bag!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3aqjcDORA0&t=11s Many people grapple over making the right choices in their lives. What if there is no wrong choice?

Mental Health Minute #5 - The Power of Now

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUT7B8HWPiQ "Forever is made of NOWs" (Emily Dickinson)

Mental Health Minute #4 - That time the dawg hijacked the MHM...

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi9uoCNMnI4 I had every intention of talking to you about the myth of scarcity today.SOMEBODY had other ideas!

Mental Health Minute #3 - Don't Play Nice

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v224Jn4QNFQ&t=15s[/embed] Nice is often very UN-nice! We can do better...

Mental Health Minute #2 - Control! (Sorry Janet...)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute

Posted: August 16, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVX5fiRbxBw Sorry, Janet Jackson -- "Control" is an anxiety-provoking illusion. (But, still one of the best music drops of 1986 ;-) ) This video answers the question: What do "control freaks" really want!

Mental Health Minute #1 YOU CAN'T FAIL!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Mental Health Minute Vlog

Posted: August 16, 2021

What would you do if it were impossible to fail? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z1uci-6rs0

Rana, Put that Hammer DOWN! (More effective tools for hard conversations.)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: August 13, 2021

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” ― Khalil Gibran The Right Tool Hard conversations like the one George and Rana are having might, at times, make someone want to pick up a...

The Fitting Room of Relationships, part two

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: August 5, 2021

The Fitting Room of Relationships, part two “Learning to stand in somebody else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins… Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.” (Barack Obama) George and Rana to the Fitting Room, Please… When...

The Fitting Room of Relationships, part one

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 29, 2021

We dress differently, think differently, strive differently, each of us unique, and yet uniquely connected to the entire human family. The Skin We Are In It’s easy sometimes to imagine that all of the other humans have the same experience of humanness that we do....

Stereotypes: Picking the Right Detergent

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 23, 2021

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” (Roy...

Stereotypes: Cleanup in Conference Room Five

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: July 20, 2021

Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be recognized as the person that they are and not a stereotype or an image. (Loretta Lynch) Power Many spaces in the United States continue to operate in a way that thinks...

People are Not Mushrooms

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: July 13, 2021

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” (Maya Angelou) Acclimation I’ve been telling you all for some time that everything in us seeks patterns and familiarity. Sometimes we get so used to certain patterns (habits) that they...

When the Whole World Has PTSD

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: July 2, 2021

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again - we are survivors. If you are here today, you are a survivor. But...

A View From the Other Side of the Couch: Coupledom, Interdependence and Risk

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 18, 2021

“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure... Loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed. Yes, it's scary, and yes, we're open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved?” (Brené Brown) A-Ha! I've been talking a lot about...

When Glass Slippers Crack

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 10, 2021

Where the ant sees a tree, the giraffe (barely) sees a twig. Cinder Ella Grace, and Family Cinder Ella Grace is a 16-year-old whose mother passed away when she was born. Her father, Ferdinand Grace, married the Widow Rocks when Cinder was 12 bringing her...

Wibbly Wobbly Cicadas

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: June 8, 2021

“Is not the whole world an illusion? And yet it fools everybody.” (Angela Carter) Who?? My mother was a big Dr. Who fan. My daughter is also a Whovian. Me? Not so much. However, having spent so much time surrounded by Whovians and Who references,...

Reading each other’s newspapers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 1, 2021

"The court of human relationships does not pivot on justice; it pivots on connection." Politics are like gravity I have a lot of political opinions. It was a bit unavoidable. I grew up in and around DC, where the federal government is simultaneously everywhere, and...

Ruff Stuff

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 27, 2021

“Security is mostly superstition.” (Helen Keller) Gone to the dogs, totally Last week we talked about not channeling our inner Zenifred. (You can catch up here .) Today I’ll pick on Andante. …Oh, don’t you start too! I tried to say something about Dante’s post-surgery...

Channeling your inner… Zenifred?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 18, 2021

“Inner stillness is the key to outer strength.” (Jared Brock) Many people reading this blog have had the pleasure of my assistant, Dr. Dante D. Dawg’s company. He is a gentle, quiet soul. He was never formally trained as a therapy dog. He seemed to...

The Alchemy of Silence

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 10, 2021

“The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides.” (Artur Schnabel) I wrote about the Alchemy of Words the other week. Today, I’d like to talk about the Alchemy of Silence....

Tightly Wound: When it all goes SPROING

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 26, 2021

Music does not exist without tension. However, too much tension quickly deteriorates into chaos. (Anonymous) >Someone< very near to this computer right now, **** might **** have recently learned that it is possible to destroy a guitar string by over winding it >coughcoughcoughmeculpacoughcoughcough.< That person...

The Other F Word

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: April 19, 2021

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” (Lewis B. Smedes) Nice idea That’s a nice idea, isn’t it? It’s right up there with the quote attributed to St. Augustine, “Harboring resentment is like drinking poison and waiting...

Linguistic Alchemy: No magic wands required

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 12, 2021

Al·che·my / ˈ alk ə mē/ noun 1. The medieval forerunner of chemistry, based on the supposed transformation of matter. It was concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir. Similar: Chemistry , magic , sorcery ,...

Option WHY: The Charles Defense

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 5, 2021

“’No,’ is a compete sentence.” (Anne LaMott) If nothing else, the past 13 or 14 months has taught us the power of thinking outside of the box and challenging what has “always” been expected of us. My Stepfather, Charles, taught me something amazing about this...

Normal?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: March 30, 2021

“Normal is just a setting on your dryer.” Erma Bombeck What is this…. Normal? I hear a lot of talk about “going back to normal.” People are getting vaccinated, some things are opening up, (many prematurely, as evidence by the consequent numbers, but ok,) schools...

What’s Your Butter Worth?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: March 16, 2021

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.” (Benjamin Whichcoat) The butter battle Imagine that you go to the grocery store. On the shelf, you see two packages of butter. The package on the left is in pristine condition, shiny and bright....

A View From the Other Side of the Couch: Pay Attention to the Pink Flags Too

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: March 9, 2021

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” (Albert Einstein) No Therapist, you may NOT have a life. I met Tiffany Sankofa seven years ago...

Reimagining the Gray

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 25, 2021

“Gray is the queen of colors because she makes everyone else look good.” Helen vanWyk The Bone Moon In the Cherokee understanding of the world, we are currently under Nv-da Ko-la; the Bone Moon. This is a gray time when food can be so scarce...

What I learned in Therapy: Good Enough

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 23, 2021

"When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke. I thought everybody would find out, and they’d take it back. They’d come to my house, knocking on the door, 'Excuse me, we meant to give that… to Meryl Streep.'” (Jodie Foster) Goody Two...

Belonging

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 9, 2021

Sometimes we get so used to words that we look right through them. Have you ever really thought about the word, “’belonging?” We long to be. Just, to be; To be who we are, and still find ourselves connected to others. Isn’t that the dream? Belonging. Are you longing to be? To be seen? To be valued? To be joined? To be embraced? Some people are longing to be left alone, feeling crowded out by people who are nearby, but not safe-enough people to just “be” with. Our places of belonging hold up a mirror to show us who we are, what gifts we bring, and how we fit into something bigger than ourselves. Belonging shapes our sense of purpose and our sense of identity.

Chaos... or maybe not.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: February 4, 2021

"Chaos does not mean total disorder. Chaos means a multiplicity of possibilities. Chaos is from the ancient Greek words that means a thing that is birthed from the void. And it was about that which is possible, not about disorder." (Jok Church) Therapist/Blogger M.I.A. Those...

What I learned in therapy: Owning my spirituality in 2021

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: January 27, 2021

“Purposefulness is one of our most potent antidepressants.” (Tiffany Sankofa) When you think you’re walking in one direction, and then… Retirement was a year away. I started seeing Tiffany to help me transition to what I called a “life-giving retirement.” To tell the truth, I...

The Fear Factor: Finding stability when it all goes shaky

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 11, 2021

Although the world is full of pain, it is also full of overcoming it. (Helen Keller) And then… So this has been a fun week… Regardless of where one’s politics land, the Capitol building being breached, two people killed and four others dead is just...

2020 Vision: A gift wrapped in barbed wire

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: December 30, 2020

“Grief always comes bearing gifts. Unfortunately, they are sometimes wrapped in barbed wire.” Seeing clearly Welp… To be fair, I really did believe that 2020 was going to be a year of focus and clarity. I wasn’t wrong. I really wish it had been delivered...

Pieces of Peace (When it all falls to pieces)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: December 21, 2020

“You find peace, not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” (Eckhart Tolle) There’s that internal locus of control again Well thank you, Eckhart Tolle. Frankly, there are an awful lot of circumstances of our...

Linus’ Blanket: The key to lasting change

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 11, 2020

“Before you heal someone, ask him if he’s willing to give up what made him sick.” (Hippcrates) Holiday challenges and New Year’s resolutions Given that most of us are now officially in one iteration or another of “the holiday season,” I thought it might be...

Toes in the creek: “Willowing up” in a climate of constant change

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 2, 2020

“If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.” (Loren Eiseley) Maryland I grew up in semi-urban neighborhoods inside the DC Beltway. One of the things that I appreciate most about Maryland is that nearly anywhere you go, even in urban spaces,...

Connection is the Cure

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2020

“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” (Chief Seattle, 1854) COVID marathon number six… I don’t know about you...

Ask v. Guess: Managing expectations (especially around the holidays!)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 24, 2020

“People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating.” ( Frank Sonnenberg) Asking and guessing My 23-year-old daughter explained the concept of “Ask v. Guess Culture” to me the other day. Apparently it’s been “a thing” for a while, but I missed it. The...

What I learned in Therapy: Compatible terms for relationship

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 23, 2020

“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.” (Mandy Hale) Jockeying for space I have three older brothers, one of whom I am close to, one of whom I always wanted to be close...

Who Do You Think We Are?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 10, 2020

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else” (Tiffany Sankofa) Yes, I am STILL on that… If you’ve worked with me or read my blogs, you know that this is a frequent and repeated theme for me. I want to revisit...

No Matter What

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 2, 2020

“Have a great day… No matter what.” Why suffer? I have been known to close texts and email exchanges with, “Have a great day… no matter what.” It seems that many people think I’m trying to be cute. I’m actually supporting a much, much more...

Weary

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 27, 2020

“Sleep doesn’t help if it’s your soul that’s tired.” (Arabian Proverb) PUT YOUR MASK ON I’m watching people slip. When the pandemic “shelter in place” first began where I live in Maryland, most people were very compliant. We stayed home. We ordered our groceries and...

The Table is Round: Lessons from “Mamala”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 20, 2020

"In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders." - Sheryl Sandberg The Psychology… not the Politics Fair warning: This blog is about the other week’s Vice-Presidential debate, but it’s not about election politics. I thought you should know that...

Tree-Inspired Problem Solving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 6, 2020

“Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the...

XYZ, and this is not okay with me

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 30, 2020

“I think... we have to really accept that anger is a normal human emotion that can be a positive force for change.” (Koren Zailckas) As many of you know, I’ve been taking a fiercely candid look at anger and rage for the past couple of...

6s and 9s

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: September 25, 2020

[caption id="attachment_6052" align="alignnone" width="618"] (Illustration by Jazmyne Craig and Tiffany Sankofa) [/caption] “I accept chaos. I’m not sure chaos accepts me.” (Bob Dylan) What month is it? I’m going to share an embarrassing story with you. It’s only fair – people share their embarrassing stories...

Why Settle for Happy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 21, 2020

"Happiness is not a goal; It’s a biproduct." (Eleanor Roosevelt) Why settle for just happy? I have a number of clients who are either naturally positive people, or who have worked hard to become so. It’s important to them to “look on the bright side,”...

You Can't Hurry Hate. (...What?)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: August 10, 2020

”It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. It is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process.” (Jay Marshall) Looking back and looking forward…...

Reaching for the Shiny

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 20, 2020

“It is not needful for our dreams to be very grand nor very big. It is only needful for our dreams to be very shiny." (C. JoyBell C.) Reaching for the Shiny I’m finding more and more that we COVID-weary and Social Justice struggle-weary folk...

Moving Forward (When You're Stuck Behind a Truck)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 18, 2020

Moving Forward (When You’re Stuck Behind a Truck) ... I did the best I could with what was in front of me and kept moving forward. The Universe has hilarious timing… In 1990, I earned a B.A. in Broadcasting Arts. I never worked in Broadcasting....

Healing Community Trauma

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 11, 2020

I've been doing trauma work clinically for over 21 years. The arcs of personal trauma and community trauma are, not surprisingly, entirely parallel: There comes a time when we are strong enough, well-enough endowed at every level that we can boldly refuse our Perpetrator's definition...

Hope is Essential, (especially when it’s hard to find.)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: June 1, 2020

“Hope begins in the dark.” (Anne Lamott) The eyes of a child… Children have a tendency to be more hopeful than adults as a general rule. Even, (and sometimes especially,) traumatized children can find and cling to what’s good, even when things are so very...

Anger v. Rage: How to Use Both Well

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 29, 2020

“Anger tells us something needs to change; Rage tells us something needs to heal.” ~ Tiffany Sankofa Afraid of Anger? Are you afraid of anger? I have to say, most people that walk into my counseling office are. You are not alone. However, you are...

Forget about the virus! This are LIFEskills! The Stoplight Technique

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 26, 2020

Forget about the virus! This is LIFE! The Stoplight Technique Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our no’s. They only...

Surviving in Captivity, Part 4: Emotional Loading and The Power of the 4 Answers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 28, 2020

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” (Roy...

And…

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions

Posted: April 24, 2020

In the early history of our species, words were thought of as "spells." Early humans recognized the power of words. In Kemet, (pre-Egyptian Egypt,) words were considered to be from "Heka;" the aspect of God concerned with magic and manifestation. This is literally why we...

Surviving in Captivity, Part 3: Expectations: The What and the How, and the XYZ Formula

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 21, 2020

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Anne LaMott) But I thought… You are holed up with your family following all of the COVID containment instructions and trying to make the best of it. For a while, things seem to be going ok. You’re finding a...

Surviving in Captivity: Fact Checking, Assumptions and “You and Me Against the Problem”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 6, 2020

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran “Words are the source of misunderstandings.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince The crucible of captivity In these days where we are together with...

Don't panic.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 13, 2020

Easier said than done, I know. However, we DO have the power to manage challenging situations well. First, calm your body and come out of Sympathetic Nervous System dominance so that you have access to your creativity and wisdom. (How? Go to www.TiffanySankofa.com/anxiety and I'll...

This... and That: Reframing Emotions

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions

Posted: January 9, 2020

I hate snow. I hated snow through much of my childhood, then I hated it in Ohio for a year. By the time I had gotten through three years of living in Chicago? I was through . I've been utterly done with snow since at...

Taking Your Power Back, "Baby Breathing" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/40QZlDrbxi8" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, "Brain Vacation" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ccC5jRRu20E" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, "CEO Breathing" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lSIkqITKkg8" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, "Peripheral Vision" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XB3dDwmXYy4" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, "Spinning" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KPei7znTobc" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, "Multi-Sensory Reground" (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/n0ymh9nLZTU" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Taking Your Power Back, Intro (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 2, 2020

Do you want quick and effective ways to stop anxiety, panic, angry outbursts or trauma triggers? This is technique can help you take your power and your life back!

Reframing Goal Success at New Years and Beyond!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 2, 2020

We here in the United States have an unhealthy obsession with final results. Just think about most New Year's Resolutions: Stay on my diet and lose (XYZ number of) pounds Make more money than last year. Get married Meditate at least 4 days a week....

Happy New Year from Sankofa Counseling

By Tiffany Sankofa

Uncategorized Vlog

Posted: December 30, 2019

Lessons from Dr. King

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 21, 2019

"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. " (The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) It is so easy to lose hope, especially when the pressures in our lives seem to be chronic and endless. I encourage you to find...

"When chaos surrounds us, peace becomes an act of rebellion."

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 11, 2019

I've decided that my word for 2019 is " peace ." Except in very limited doses, I am unable to exact peace in our outer world. Factions around the globe have intentionally leveraged fear and an illusion of scarcity to pit people against one another...

Motivation: Set Yourself Up For Success

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 24, 2018

As we walk into that time of year when people take stock of their lives and make their plans for the coming year, we would be wise to consider what does and does not work in achieving our goals. Those of you who have worked...

Relationships 101, Part 8: The What and the How

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 20, 2018

I’ve been working with couples and families for almost 20 years as therapist. One thing that has become abundantly clear that is that when people are in conflict, what they need the other person to understand is incredibly important. How we communicate that truth can...

Relationships 101, Part 7: Separating Personhood and Behavior

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 13, 2018

Blame and Shame American cultures bend toward shame. When something bad happens, many of us immediately try to determine if the person responsible for whatever it is a “good” person or a “bad” person. We assign blame as if having an imaginary frame to hold...

Relationships 101, Part 6: Shared Vision

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 6, 2018

One of the things that first attracts us to others is a sense of shared vision. When we are first getting to know someone who intrigues us, we tend to get enamored with this idea that we have found a person who understands us -...

Relationships 101 Part 5: Self-regulation

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 29, 2018

If you’ve ever had a conflict you know how uncomfortable and difficult it can feel, physically. You might find yourself saying things you don’t mean or having a hard time thinking straight. You thought the conversation was going one place and then you find yourself...

The Commodity is You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 26, 2018

I read a book many years ago titled The Millionaire Mind . In it, Thomas J. Stanley explores the common threads between self-made millionaires in the United States. Interestingly, just about all of the people Stanley interviewed had started a number of businesses. When one...

Relationships 101, Part 4: Stages of Relationship

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 22, 2018

At the beginning of most relationships we get very excited by how much we have in common. This person seems to see life the same way we do, or at least, compatibly. We see a future together! As time goes by and we’ve had a...

Belonging

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: November 21, 2018

Belonging is an essential human need. Euro-centric culture tends to value individualism over the collective. That creates structures and communities that lack cohesion and people who feel isolated and many times do not have what they need to thrive. We need to belong. We need...

Relationships 101, Part 3: Interdependence

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 15, 2018

I had a pastor once who aptly identified common misconceptions about love using the contemporary love songs of the day. The songs said things like, “I can’t live without you!” “I am nothing without you!” “You complete me!” “I found myself when I found you!”...

Relationships 101, Part 2: Remembering Our Why

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 8, 2018

Has your relationship started to feel stale and unsatisfying? Do you find yourself thinking about other people and then getting mad at yourself for it? Are you wondering where the person you fell in love with went? Sarah ban Breathenach wrote, ”Discontent breeds lifelong change.”...

The Ripple Effect (You just never know)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 2, 2018

Have you ever wondered if you are making impact on the world around you? Sometimes it can feel like we are doing our very best to be faithful to what we know we need to do in the world, but we don’t see the results....

Relationships 101, Part 1: Essential Elements

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 1, 2018

It’s terrifying to think that love can die. In truth, unless they are well cared for, relationships die. When we first fall in love it’s easy to think it will always be this way. Somewhere down the line while managing whatever stressors life throws at...

Finding Your Resilience

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 9, 2018

A new family moved into the apartment above us. I haven’t met her yet, but among the occupants is a delightful little toddler girl. I’ve heard her padding above, exploring their balcony, which sits directly above our patio. Our patio looks out onto the park...

Finding Your Pando

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 8, 2018

There is a colony of 47,000 Quaking Aspen trees located in Fishlake National Forest, in Utah that have been gauged to be around 80,000 years old. 80 ---- > THOUSAND years! (See https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pando_(tree ) for more information and pictures. It's beautiful!) These trees have been...

Simple, Everyday Strategies for Anyone Looking to Boost Their Overall Health

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 4, 2018

For most people, improving their head-to-toe health doesn’t have to involve massive life changes. Sure, there are exceptions to this, but the majority of people can be served by employing some small, simple, health-boosting strategies in their everyday life. Here are some things you can...

Why We Don't Report Sex Crimes

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Trauma Recovery

Posted: September 21, 2018

I have worked with sexual abuse and rape survivors throughout my nearly 20 year career as a psychotherapist. I am currently working with a number of survivors who are being triggered by the latest Catholic church abuse revelations and the vitriol public fury fest over...

Self Care: The Key To Better Mental Health

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 9, 2018

Let’s start with the numbers . One in every six Americans is dealing with mental illness. Women are more likely to be affected than men. In any group of 100 women, 21 of them are fighting for their mental health. But the stigma we place...

Hallmark Holidays

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 12, 2018

About those Hallmark holidays... My Mom hated them. She saw the game for what it is - Hallmark and other retail businesses exploiting some important piece of our lives for profit, manipulating us to try to make us feel bad if we don't fork over...

Conflict Code of Conduct

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Relationships

Posted: April 16, 2018

In the process of writing my wedding vows this morning, I started reviewing the last five years of my relationship with my fiancé and how we’ve grown together. It occurs to me that one of the biggest catalysts for growth and positive relationship together has...

Relationships 101: Patience and Forgiveness3

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships 101 Vlog

Posted: September 8, 2017

In today's installment of "Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships" we will talk about patience and forgiveness and how they play into building strong, satisfying relationships.

Relationships 101: Humility, Pride, Fault and Blame

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships 101 Vlog

Posted: September 5, 2017

In this installment of "Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships!" we will cover some building blocks of good conflicts including Humility, Pride, Fault and Blame.

Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships! - Conflicts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships 101 Vlog

Posted: August 31, 2017

Here is the first installment of our series, "Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships!" In today's installment, I will talk about the importance of conflicts and lay some groundwork for doing them well.

Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships 101 Vlog

Posted: August 28, 2017

We're kicking off our new series, "Relationships 101: A Primer for Healthy Enough Relationships!" Here's what you can expect in the weeks to come...

One Time at a Time

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: August 23, 2017

It's so easy for the clutter of our lives and our ambitions to create chaos and stress. We want to do and accomplish and change the world for good, but it just never seems like there's enough time for it all. I wanted to share...

Mother’s Day from the Therapists’ Couch

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 29, 2017

Mother’s Day is complicated for an awful lot of people. This isn’t exactly surprising considering that mother issues tend to be equally complicated. Mother’s Day brings all of that unresolved muck rushing to the forefront as the culture around us screams out demands that we...

The 5 Ps That Change Anxious Thoughts (VIDEO)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 20, 2017

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kelB_djUPYY[/embed] Once you have shifted your body chemistry, changing your thoughts can give you relief from anxiety.

Strong Broken Hearts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 13, 2017

Hearts are amazing things. When they break, it feels as though we can never be whole again. What we previously knew as love gets dashed on the rocks, shattered into a millions fragments and scattered all over the landscape of our lives. It feels at...

Multi-Sensory Reground

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 26, 2017

You can use your five senses to stop the chemical flow that creates anxiety.

Stop Anxiety Now with Spinning

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 18, 2017

This exercise will help to stop the chemical flow of cortisol that we experience as anxiety.

Anxiety and Peripheral Vision

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 11, 2017

Here's a quick and easy way to stop anxiety in its tracks using your peripheral vision!

Holiday Grief 102

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 20, 2016

In “Holiday Grief, part two: Sneaky Grief” we will look at some unusual presentations of grief that might just surprise you. Holidays have a way of amplifying our challenging emotions. Understanding what’s going on inside can often be the first step in managing things more...

Give the Gift of “No”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Relationships

Posted: December 17, 2016

We can be the caring, savvy, thoughtful, patient person in the lives of those around us, but only up until we hit *that* wall. Then it’s all teeth, claws and craziness. I’ll own that. In owning this reality, we have the opportunity to do something...

Holiday Grief 101

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 15, 2016

Managing grief is always a challenge, but at the holidays, the difficulties seem to be magnified. Understanding what’s going on and making strategies for your wellbeing can really help! Click The Link Above To View A Video

Families and Elections

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 15, 2016

Visiting with family after a contentious election can feel like walking on hot coals. Let’s get you prepared now! Click The Link Above To View A Video

The Chemistry of Anxiety!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 8, 2016

Managing Anxiety and Panic is a two-step process. First, we control the body chemistry; then we control the thoughts that trigger the body chemistry. This blog explains what’s actually happening inside our bodies when we feel anxiety.

Stop Anxiety now with CEO Breathing!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 8, 2016

To understand what anxiety is and how to manage it, we have to understand where emotions come from. This video is a crash course in the nature of emotions and how you can use that knowledge to stop anxiety in its tracks!

Stop Anxiety Now!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 8, 2016

This video contains the first of 5 techniques I will teach you to help stop anxiety and panic in their tracks!

FREE Vacation (From Anxiety!)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 8, 2016

You can take a break from anxiety by using the "Brain Vacation" technique.

Procrastination: I Meant to Write This Blog Sooner But…

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 2, 2016

People come into my office all the time feeling guilty about procrastinating on important goals. “I’m just lazy,” they say. Let me just put this out there on the table: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LAZINESS. Labeling ourselves as “lazy” is a shame-based trap...

Better People Make Better Parents

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 26, 2016

If you’re reading this, I already know that one of your goals is to be a good parent. Kudos! On behalf of all of us who will share this orb with your children in their lifetimes, thank you! One of the single most important things...

Ditch your Resolutions…and Succeed

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 6, 2016

Have you given up on your New Year’s Resolutions yet? (Doesn’t that sound horribly pessimistic?) The raw reality is that New Year’s Resolutions set us up for failure, not success. New Year’s resolutions imagine that we are actually ready for the change we want, and...

Over-Giving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 25, 2015

It is officially gift-giving season around these parts. For some, it is an Olympic sport. Joey gave something THIS big to Veronica, so now Veronica has to give something even bigger to Joey. So then Joey feels compelled to give even more to Veronica, even...

Great Article!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: December 11, 2015

Click here to read: 15 Things Therapists Actually Want You To Know

Good Grief: Holiday Edition

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 25, 2015

Happy happy happy! Joyful joyful joyful! ‘Tis the season to … …Be depressed out of your mind because it seems as though the whole planet is spending their time with magical, loving, warm families engaged in holiday traditions, while you are carrying an oppressive lump...

Parenting 101: Anger

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 6, 2015

No one on earth has more power to infuriate us than our own child. Why do you suppose? Are they psychically imprinted with some manual to the circuitry of our emotional centers? Is this all some diabolical scheme to drive all of the grown ups...

Helping Those Who Are Grieving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 26, 2015

Click here for an exceptional article on how to help those who are grieving, written by Megan Devine: How to Help a Grieving Friend: 11 Things to Do When You’re Not Sure What to Do

What Are You Worth?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 24, 2015

What are you worth? How do you estimate that? Most people that I encounter believe, (in theory,) that human beings are priceless. However, when it comes to self-assessment, those same people will try to gauge their worth in terms of what they produce, how much...

Emotions 101

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions

Posted: October 23, 2015

Where do feelings come from? Do they simply drop out of the sky and invade our minds? Is there some rampant toddler storming through our minds picking emotions off of a shelf and throwing them into play in our lives? Feelings often seem to be...

Parenting 101: Worry

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 20, 2015

“But I’m a Mom! I HAVE to worry!!” I have a number of clients, friends and colleagues who come from cultures where parents, and especially mothers, are tacitly trained to believe that worrying about their kids is required, as it validates how deeply they care...

Trust Your Feelings

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions

Posted: October 16, 2015

Growing up, I often heard the phrase, “Don’t trust your feelings!” as if feelings were some alien invader intent on destroying our lives. In truth, feelings are simply the chemical firings in our bodies that correlate with our assessments of situations. In a way, they...

Be the Big Dog

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions

Posted: October 9, 2015

Fear has the ability to derail us like few other emotions. It sneaks in and infiltrates our thinking without our awareness at times. We feel, “passionate” about an issue; convinced of a cause. When we peek behind the curtain, however, we find Fear quietly pulling...

Welcome to Continuum Counseling Services!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: September 21, 2015

I’m glad you’re here. I will be using this space to share bits of encouragement, helpful tools for managing challenging situations, and sometimes just sharing interesting things I’ve learned along the way in almost half a century of living, and more than 15 years of...